CH HAS A JOB!!!!

Ok so this blog is usually for what happens at work and stuff, but I’d figure, what the hell its my blog.  My Christmas was rather a standard afair… tragically standard. The highlight however was when my brother wanted to go get somethings on Christmas Eve. We had to go look for Guitar Hero 3. Little did we know that this is the hottest video game gift this season (I got mine before the rush =) ). We leave Game stop to Best Buy only to find out that they closed at 7. So head over to Circuit City…closed. During this whole time me and my brother are…talking. Which is weird because, our relationship has been rather distant for a while. We just started reminiscing about our younger days. When he was around 13-17, and I was around 5-10. Its funny when you haven’t talked to someone for a long time, the one thing you always end up talking about is about the past. Good Grief I’m only 20 & feel old. Anyway as we were driving around, trying to calm down my nephew cause he was on baby crack or something, we both agreed that it would’ve been nicer if we had just spent Christmas just driving around, talking, and staring through the glass into something we both wish we had.

If someone were to ask me if I got everything I wanted for Christmas, the answer is no. I don’t mean to be a party-pooper but I just didn’t. I don’t just mean what I put on my wishlist, It goes a little deeper than that. So deep that I’m a little embarrassed to admit even on this blog. But if you know me or at least keep track of what I say in my blogs you’d know what it is.

Random thought here. But I’m watching Forest Gump, and that girl Jenny is a real brat. Its like she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to know) a good thing was right in front of her. Looking back on my teen days it defiantly seems that girls have that mentality. I could go on and ponder why, but Im just going to contradict every thought I had. Besides its kind of childish. Just assuming that every female still has that mentality.

It just sucks to be single. At least for me some guys just have better luck and just look at a girl and be dating her that afternoon. I don’t have that luck (I wouldn’t want it anyway) plus I have that whole fear I have overcome. I think its just the fear of reaction, or at least a bad one. I seen alot of my friends kind of crash and burn and its just that fear of the same thing happening to you that kind of keeps you flipping through the CD’s  at Rasputin, when you really just want to get to know the cute girl in the indie section. By the way I’m a sucker for that indie/artsy look especially if they have redhair, sweet. I can’t help it.

Anyway I don’t know what else to say but Merry Christmas folks. I leave you with a pretty cool thing that was featured on youtube.

9:08am
Wow…seriously. Christmas is Tuesday? This year, as roller coastery as it was, was fast. Easily the best and worst year of my life. The best way I can describe it is, its the equivalent of Spider-Man 3. It ruled because of the fight scenes (in my case, Heartbrake Heroes, getting a job, having a car, other stuff I won’t mention) but the rest was just really awful (in my case the break-up of Heartbrake Heroes, dealing with assholes, my last stint in Alameda College, the customers at work, Kenner, girl problems, and problems at home).  It’s the one thing you couldn’t wait to see, except for a few moments, over all you’re disappointed. That was 2007 for me in a nutshell.

11:49am
Ok so it grinds my shits when customers are really passive about their websites, or just don’t care. It’s easier, convenient, and fulfilling when customers are encouraged, descriptive, or best of all ahead about their website. But today I got a customer that was overly excited about his website. He knew what he wanted but man he just…ok imagine this you are a construction worker ready to go, then imagine the person you’re working for tosses you (that’s right tosses) twelve 4×4′s, four 10 foot steel beams, thirty hammers, five hundred nails, sixty caulking guns, five gallons of paint, and a cement truck. Then tells you to build a little big city in 24 hours…Ok not a great example so lemmie simplify. The guy wanted a million things that we probably don’t offer for what he ordered…You know what you just had to be there. Even I, the guy who made the call can’t wrap my head around it.  Another day at the office *insert Queen’s Under Pressure here*.

1:46pm
I need to…something…I don’t know anything.

3:17pm
After Reading this article (http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=289754>1=7701) I’ve realized one thing. Comedians are really really really sad people. That explains a whole hell of alot.

A really really really (continue reallys until you reach 10) slow around here. It’s boring, depressing, and I just stare at the cubicle walls with a what looks like pissed off look on my face.

Anyway we had a Christmas potluck today. Everyone now knows how shy & awkward I am so thats nice. But hey at least the food was good. Even though I felt bad not bringing anything. It was nice but its like “damn what am I doing here?”. In anycase I’m being optimistic about it. Maybe its just a temporary thing, and in time I’ll get to know more people around here (hopefully especially admin girl). I’m just forcing myself to look at it as glass half full, because I’m tired of doubts. I just need to make a better effort. Matter of fact that brings me to my next topic. Goals For 2008

Goals For 2008!!!
Originally the goal was to get big with Heartbrake Heroes. But now that the band broke up I have to develop a new plan. But as always plans are made to be broken so nothing is written in stone. All right

Goal#1 -Be more optimistic.
It wasn’t so long ago, I would say I was this likeable jokester, who while his life could be in bits, always find remedy in other people. Of course this ended when I trusted the at the time spikey haired wanna be punk rock demon they call Kenner. Now he is the attention whore, actually emo, people like for some reason, still lying, “look at me how i’ve changed in reverse” guy. At least thats an up grade from demon. But I should be stronger than to let people like this get to me because after what happened with Heartbrake Heroes, friendly people is not going to happen anytime soon. So mainly the goal here is to be the sarcastic, looking at the bad side; however optimistic, random, funny guy, raising his middle finger while singing “Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody’s coming to get me!”

Goal #2 – Lose The Excess Baggage
Of course I’m talking about the hideous gut I have. At this rate im going to have to use a motorized cart to go through a Safeway, because I decided to be the Goodyear blimp.  It would be a confidence booster to know that I achieved a healthy, and fulfilling goal. Plus people notice, and when I say people I say the ladies. Now as childish as that sounds, consider this. You can go after a woman you really like and be 395 pounds. But we live in a world where if you weigh 200 pounds and look like you were sculpted by the greatest artist you can think of its a hell of a lot eaiser to get what you want. It is really really sad but very very true.

Goal #3 – Cut-Up Redhead
Now after the bitter, bloody, & foul taste left in my mouth after HH. I am more determined than ever to get this music ball rolling. Especially with the positive response I got from the “Marcy Has A Secret” demo. Say what you will about HH but there is one positive thing I got out of it. I got my confidence in music back. For that I thank them. Im pushing for a summer release for the first EP titled “The Admiration-EP”. Though its gonna be a little time before we can hit the stage, I really hope that at the very least we can fill up the Oakland Metro on a Thursday night with 100 or so people. I just want to make music, and thank God that I got Steve on board. We want to make music. So 2008 is the year for Cut-Up Redhead. Talking House Records I hope you are reading this.

Goal # 4 – Get Financially Stable
Im the worlds worst person to handle money. I get it then all of a sudden the inner fem comes out and I want to go shopping. Lets see how many gay jokes I get from that. But anyway I got to at least raise some money to have in case of fire. Granted I’m gonna have bills to pay this year. So the splurging is gonna be cut down severely. But It’ll be worth it.

And Finally
Goal # 5 – Stop being so shy around women.
This problem has plagued me since as far back as I can remember. To this day Im always so awkward  around a women. It’s when I start over thinking the scenario.  Really I shouldn’t be thinking. I should be myself. If they don’t like me then whatever on to the next one. If I have the right mentality why can’t I apply it? Right now as I am typing this, I should be sending an email to admin girl inviting her to get some coffee, if she likes it. But instead I’m writing plans for NEXT year. If I had learned anything from my previous attempts, and “crushes” it that, its now or never. Thats the way I need to look at life because the main goal for next year is to live in the now, and live the later….later, I don’t know im trying to be philosophical. But fuck it I’ll start next year. Thats all I have to say so see you folks later. Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Or some other holiday I’ve never heard of.

Songs To Remember:
The Cloud Room – Sunlight Song

8:41am
Ok so good news on this wordpress blog thingy!
1. I fixed the date thing so now it should read the proper date.
2. I made a new header. The old one was kind of dull.
So yeah there you go if you noticed the changes

So I needed to go get my morning tea, & My co-worker (I still can’t say names unless she says its cool) thought I said E.T.

10:14am
Im losing it today. Something is disrupting my entire thought process. Im not sure what it is because I can’t explain it. Lets analyze.

I’m not depressed about anything. I’m actually feeling really good today.
Not wanting anything. I don’t really need anything.
My back still irrtating me but whatelse is new.
Can’t be the band because I’m still working on it.
Not hungry.
Not annoyed.
Not thinking about Admin Girl (at least not alot).

Ok you know what I better not dwell on it. It will probably screw me up more.

1:48pm
Wow all i can say is look this song up if you feel like crap. You will be laughing and saying WTF.
Elefant – 3 kleine Affen

 2:20pm
Months Without A Cigarette:
Circa June 2007-December 20, 2007

4:35pm
So I’ve tried not to dwell on it, I tried to do my job. But there is seriously something wrong with me and I honestly can’t explain it. I Pretty much went through my day very sloppily. Easily on of the least productive days I’ve ever had. My co-worker simply said to get some sleep. I’d like to but I always end up staying up late. I just find something to do and it so happens to be around 12:34am. So that would explain the lack of sleep. Not only that. There is always something going on in my mind. I wont say what, but alway’s there’s something lingering that I always end up thinking about it for 30 minutes. So now we are at 1:34am. Still thinking but finally getting drowsy, I drift off all of a sudden then in one unexplainable jolt I’m wide awake again. Now I spend another 30 minutes. Fast forward to 2:20am I’m counting sheep trying to go to sleep because its getting way too late. Then fast forward to 5:45am I gotta wake up and get going. Add that tiredness along with the millions of peices of crap I have on my mind, and presto. A shitty day at work.

I really don’t know whatelse to say because this is where I’d bring up admin girl, or Cut-Up Redhead news, or complain about the customers, or some story about how cruddy I am. Pick a story, play it out in your head, & I’ll see you tommrrow. I need a ciggarette and an 13th Floor Elevator’s record

Songs To Remember:
Cold War Kids: Electioneering
The Decemberists - The Bagman’s Gambit
Wilco - Impossible Germany
Peter Bjorn & John – Collect, Select, Reflect (It is becoming apparent that the first PB&J album is much better than the current)
Wolf Parade – Lousy Pictures
Tapes ‘n Tapes – Beach Girls
Guillemots – Through The Windowpane
Islands – Where There’s A Will There’s A Whalebone
Final Fantasy – He Poos Clouds
Arctic Monkeys – Cigarette Smoke
Ignite – A Place To Call Home
Stellastar* – Sweet Troubled Soul

9:54am
For some reason I really want something with potatoes in it. Hash browns in particular. =P

2:42pm
As you can see by the fewer & fewer updates. I’m really busy. Dealing with wierd customers asking me about email from another company, to staying awake, and so on. Man am I getting tired. Admin girl isnt here so that throws off the whole asking out thing. By the way for those who think that I just got a job to hit on my female co-workers, and dont do shit well… you got it half right. The thing about admin girl is that, she seems really cool, she emailed me first, and shes cute. So there. Yes I’m very Paranoid. Plus give me a break I haven’t been in a relationship in almost 2 years.

3:08pm
Why do certain customers got to ask questions I don’t have the answers too Ill never know. I had a customer call me (lets call her mothergoose). So MotherGoose wants her email address on yahoo to link with her qwest but doesnt want to cancel her yahoo because she needs it for her business. Then she asked me if we can color in a black & white picture. Now that is not impossible but that takes longer to do than to actually build a fucking website. Ugh its customers like that, that make me want to jump on top of my cubicle and scream at the top of my lungs. AGH!….anyway.

Songs To Remember (Brought To By last.fm [yeah they deserve free advertisement from me]):
Arcade Fire – Surf City Eastern Bloc
Cold War Kids – Saint John
Peter Bjorn & John – I Don’t Know What I Want Us To Do
We Are Scientists -  Worth The Wait
Silversun Pickups – The Fuzz
Shout Out Louds – A Track & A Train
Snow Patrol – Get Balsamic Vinegar…Quick You Fool
Dirty Pretty Things – Gin & Milk
Supergrass – What Went Wrong (In Your Head)
The Dandy Warhols – cool as kim dead
The Stooges – You Better Run
Iggy Pop – Fix Me

10:24am
I’m feeling a bit weary today. I was over at the studio a block away from work with Steve laying down live drum tracks for “Marcy Has A Secret”. It was sweet. Steve had a little trouble replicating the “Silversun”- inspired programed drums, so he just made up one as he went. We also decided to change the order of business. The goal now is to finish the EP titled “The Admiration” its a collection of 4 songs and the listing I have in mind is the following:
1.In My Towns Eyes (Working Title)
2. Artsy Artsy (Working Title)
3. Broken Brakes
4. Marcy Has A Secret
5. The Admiration (Secret Track Availible On Only 5 Copies)

Enough Cut-Up news for now.

11:57am
One Really Important Thing To Remember Today Is… THE SIMPSONS MOVIE IS OUT ON DVD!!!!!!!

12:48pm
So I think I may have lost a bet. Don’t ask about the details of the bet but it went along the lines that if I lost, I have to ask admin girl out. Guess who lost…yeah so I have to live up to my end of the deal. So I need your guys help. Any ideas how to ask her out?, what to say?,where to take her?, and pretty much what the fuck am I supposed to do on a date? I’m as dumb as a celebrity hot blonde. As the Beatles once sang…HELP!

3:29pm
Watching the clock slowly tick away

Songs To Remember:
Sparta – End Moraine
Cursive – The Dirt Of The Vinyard (This band is pretty sick)
Minus The Bear – Thanks For The Killer Game Of Crisco Twister
Sunny Day Real Estate – Pillars
A Perfect Circle – Pet
Built To Spill – No Where Nothin’ Fuckup
Midtown (I Forgot The Name)
Gatsby’s American Dream – The White Mountains
Jawbreaker – Chemistry
Far – Waiting For Sunday
The Lawrenace Arms – Chicago Is Burning

9:44am
So I forgot my headphones today so I can’t listen to any Internet radio. However in terms of what I got to do I’m totally kicking butt. I’m definitely on top of everything today.

Anyway I got some much needed sleep over the weekend, I kind of slept more than I did anything. So I feel good today (Stay tuned till after lunch where all of a sudden I crash and burn into colorful flames).  If feels good to be OK, it really does.

11:49 am
So it has just occurred to me that this weekend the guy who played Biff in (the greatest movie ever) Back To The Future was in San Jose doing stand-up all weekend, and I made no attempt to go. I mean me and my brother practically made a BTTF pilgrimage when we heard the ride was closing but couldn’t go to see the actual guy who was in the movie. Stupid me!!! Oh well I got an email that the box set was like 40% off so ima go get it on my lunch break.

11:11am
I really like this one customer. She was just really nice and I don’t normally get that. So its really brightening to  have someone nice to talk to, even if it is just a few minutes. Thanks. (for the obvious reasons I cant say her name.)

2:11pm
You should check this story out it just stoped me in my tracks, wow is all I can say
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071217/ap_on_re_us/mother_s_defender

 3:46pm
I really really hate having downtime at work. Its one of the most awkward parts of the day. It would normally be a good time to you know browse around on the internet until, someone calls or you have something to do. Thats not the case. The impression is that there is always something to do here. While part of that is true, thats not the case. So its weird cause you can relax but you’res supposed to be doing something productive. Its like standing up on a chair.

Ok so after I talked to a few of my friends, everyone is saying that I should ask admin girl out. Nothing to heavy maybe a movie or something to eat something of that nature. Its a good plan I mean I’m not broke, I have a car, Im in a forgivable state of living, I have a personality, I have a life worth talking about. So whats the problem?…nothing really I just need to keep my fear in check & actually plan a night. Now unfortunately the only way I can do so is if I ask her over email because I don’t get a chance to talk to her since its kind of no time for small talk around here. I’ve never been a fan of the “letter apporach” especially after all its done for me so far (I say that so very sarcastically), But its all I got. Another fear is one thing…I’ve never been on a date before. I’ve had girlfriends, but never gone on dates due to something always in the way. So I don’t really know how a good one is supposed to go. I mean all I’ve got to run on is what I’ve seen in movies, trust me even I know thats not how its supposed to go. It’s a little embarasing because its like the 40-year old virgin…minus the virgin. Anyway I should be a little more casual on this, chances are she will probably be involved with someone. It seems that every girl/woman is like that these days.

Songs To Remember:
The Shins – Sealegs
Death Cab For Cutie – Title & Registration
The Arcade Fire – My Heart Is An Apple
Spoon – Anything You Want
Mates Of State – Open Book
Tapes ‘n Tapes – 8 Or Ate
The National – It Never Happened
The New Pornographers – Broken Breads
Sista Social Theme (Don’t Remember The Band)
Grandaddy – Guide Down Denied
Sparklehorse – Someday I Will Treat You Good
Cursive – Art Is Hard
Sunny Day Real Estate – Killed By An Angel
Minus The Bear – The Fix
Desaparecidos – Hole In One
Facing New York – Full Turn
The Cure – Doubt
The Dandy Warhols – Just Try
The Zutons – Why Won’t  You Give Me Your Love
Morning Spy – Overnite
The Ruling Party – If We Had Yesterday
The Thermals – Power Does’nt Run On Nothing
The Amsterdams – Taking Care Of Anna
The Banshee – City

10:54am
I got a lip tiwster for you. How do you pernounce this name? Jevf. Thats right Jevf. Thats not a typo thats a real name. 

12:27pm *Now Playing: Alkaline Tiro – Sadie*
Wow I was so bored at lunch, I actually came back up to work on time! Whatever. It was a somber kind of lunch. Alot on my mind right now. Mostly trying to figure out stuff about myself. I actually made some headway. Turns out I seem to dwell on the past more than I’d like to admit.  A bit of a bummer to let yourself down, especially when you’ve convinced yourself that your over it.

1:07pm
The best thing about this job is that you learn to get your composure back really quick. You have to if you’re gonna make the next call. So its all good.

1:41pm
Bummer. Push To Talk (www.myspace.com/pushtotalk)  is breaking up =(

 4:48pm
Flaky customers, missed meetings, boring lunch. I am so over today. ao Ima end it here. Later folks.

9:33pm
See this is what happens when you stay up playing your newly purchased Guitar Hero 3 game,  trying to input the unlock all cheat, trying to get through “Knights Of Cyndonia”, while trying not to wake up your mom who is already pissed at you just because you refuse to come home after work. It was so worth it. Guitar Hero 3, hard but fun. I strongly recommend it if you have a gaming device.

Anyway a really slow work day. Everyone I’ve called so far will call me in an hour so that gives me time to rant on my blog!

A few days ago I said that I officially hate my job…Nothing has changed. Though its not what you think. Usually its because of a lot of things piled on top of each other. But in my case there is only one…the customers. It’s becoming my least favorite part of the job because I’m starting to get alot of indecisive, or mean folks.

2:45pm *Now Playing: 13th Floor Elevators – Thru The Rhythm*
I don’t really have a lot to say. I mean other than the obivous business. But the customers keep getting stranger. I had one cool guy. He sounded like a guy who has lost his teeth when he talked. But he was really calm, and chill.

So I spent my lunch break buying office supplies. Reason being that I have alot of stuff I needed to pin on the cubicle walls and I couldnt because I didnt have any. So there where just these random pieces of paper up against the wall, slipping on the desk. So now everything looks nicer I got room and it looks less slobby.

So I’ve come to the realization that I am probably never going to talk to admin girl (my code name for that one admin I dig). I just don’t know what to say, and she probably thinks I’m a creep. But you know what. Its ok. I’m just really trying to get any negativity off my back. No matter how much it sucks to let go of it. Like I finally rid myself of the Lia Rose crushing, I’m trying to keep all the negative bad vibes and sour taste from Heartbrake Heroes away, I’m just gonna relax from now on. I’ve been doing a good job so far.  I have to recapture the silly little pet I once was I was more happier then(50 cool points if you can figure out what song the “Pet” came from).  So that would explain why I’m as Dandy as a Warhol.

4:56pm
Ok not a whole lot said today. But whatever, anyway I’m off to show Steve the rest of the Cut-Up Redhead Songs. See you guys later.

11:05am
Today is looking pretty good. Mainly cause my back isnt bothering me as much. Maybe it was depression or something. Oh well, nothing some asprin  can’t fix.

So last night I went over to my friend Steve’s house (he was the 2nd guitarist for HH, now he plays bass for CUR), and I showed him some of the songs I wanted to release with CUR. It was the first time I showed anyone my demos, and the response was really positive. I guess because, he didnt know what to expect alot from me because I never really wrote or composed anything for HH but he seemed really excited. I want to release an EP by summer and start playing gigs by November. But if the process is quick we could start playing gigs sooner than that.  Go to www.myspace.com/cutupredheadfor all the latest plus to hear some demos. It hadn’t occurred to me until last night but the Cut-Up in the name Cut-Up Redhead. Is a reference to a song from one of the best “punk” bands this millennium At The Drive-In ( the song is One Armed Scissor if you are still wondering).

12:59pm
I so want to take a nap while im on hold. Theres nothing better  than after lunch “slush-ness”

4:08pm
This call has by far has to be the most funniest, and annoying Of all time. So I call this guy to discuss the website. It sounds like he is breathing directly on the phone sounding like Darth Vader, and with a thick Asian accent. So I go through the process of confirming the info I have. Then comes the questions. I had to say the questions over and over again because he cant here me with the fucking gust of Mount Everest in the background. I must have asked the same question like at least 6-7 times. “What services do you provide?” My co-workers are laughing, and see this annoyed look on my face. Then I start laughing. So now I’m trying to hold my laughter, & my frustration, while trying to figure out what the hell Asian Vader is trying to say, and get my question asked. The whole ordeal felt like an hour but the timer on my phone only read 13 minutes. Man I really dont want to make any more calls but I have too but man that just was the highlight of the day…or lowlight…whatever it was the main point of this entire day! After that there is nothing more to say…

11:42am
I really forgot about blogging today. Things are…well they are business here.  Alot in the old noggin.

Anyway it wasnt until today that I realized that business, especially small business are strange. Like I  had to call one out yesterday that provided, plumbing, masonry work, Cool Pool coating, and Harley Davidson Repair…wow thats the equivalent of a Chinese restaurant selling Mexican food…thats actually not a bad idea.

So it’s official Heartbrake Heroes is over. Z basically confirmed his disenchantment with the band on a posting for his new band. I never had a problem with Z, but his attitude he’s had for the past couple of months has really bugged me. In this bulletin he distinctly said that the band was not amounting to anything. To me that was a slap on the face. Because we all basically busted our asses for that band. Personally this year has taken a whole lot from me and I always managed to put the band first. Don’t say we were amounting to nothing because we were burnt out and running on fumes. So apparently all of my commitments to the band really weren’t enough in his eyes. What do you want me to do? Pursuing music is what I want more than anything right now. But I also got to get my act together. Make sure there’s gas in the tank, making sure I’m stable for the future. If they wanted me to basically be 17 again I wish they had told me sooner. Another thing Cut-Up Redhead was originally going to be a side project, Heartbrake Heroes was still the main focus. I was going to work on it but my commitment was to Heartbrake Heroes. I’m just really upset over this. I really loved being in HH, I’ve made so many sacrifices for that band but I guess as Z put it “it wasn’t amounting to anything”. Once again I don’t have a problem with Z, I just have a problem with how he is handling the situation. I don’t hate him. The last thing I want is for all the HH members to have problems with each other now that its over. But before I go off to lunch I just have one last thing to say. No disrespect to Maria, Steve, or Lloyd whatsoever. But to me. Heartbrake Heroes ended when Serenity left the band.

1:17pm
Hair stylist from New Jersey…Are really mean. Like have you ever seen Matilda? Do you remember Matilda’s eccentric and rude mother. Yeah just imagine that, cause thats the image I have in my head.

2:20pm
I officially hate my job. I really didnt think it would come so oh so soon but yeah. After all the strange customers I’ve had to deal with today, Its official. Of course I’m not going to quit my job it pays too well and I am in no shape too look for another job. But…well need I say more?…I just want the day to end.

3:45pm
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!! listen to this business:
Dry Cleaners
Pick-up & Delivery
Same Day
Tuxedo Rentals
Leather Jackets
Carpet Cleaning

On that note there really isnt much to say…